somebody get that ok

I bought 4 pounds of cherries to try to drown my sorrows and all it got me was a stomach ache.
And really its ok because the sorrows are all figment of my imagination today and Im sure cherries have nutritional value.
Contrasts:
Ontario: i pint of raspberries- 4.99
Saskatchewan- bowl fulls and bowlfulls of raspeberries, MORE raspberries then one person could ever eat alone - free.
Ontario- plates for small 4 door car, no rust, no nothing wrong with it, female driver - 145.00 a month.
Saskatchewan - same vehicle - 35.00 a month.
Ontario - 900 sqft house in mid sized city - 250,000 plus $3000 taxes yearly
Saskatchewan - 800 sqft house mid sized town - 10,500 plus $600 taxes
ontario - smog days - plenty.
saskatchewan - smog? what?
Ontario - fines for everything. you can hardly breathe without some sort of infraction of the law.
Saskatchewan- driving down main street on a saturday afternoon beer in hand , friends on hood, all waving as you go by.

Saskatchewan- friendly people
Ontario - my mom.

see, ontario is the OBVIOUS choice

...in the words of bill shatner; Life---itkinda,,,,,,, sucks.

I feel like watching tv today for the first time since the tv was ousted.
To take my mind of the movies in my head. Why is that you can have such good controle over every function of your body EXCEPT the one that matters the most. Brains. brains are piles of mushy pink stuff that are RIGHT there smack damn in the middle of your head but try as you may to be the boss, its kind of hard.
The "viewing" was today and let me tell you , i dont think it is right to have a viewing 8 days after the death takes place. I'm... not... really hungry....
BUT I mean, i dont know what it is like to loose a mother and maybe there is a part that makes SEEING the body easier? Where I would find it much more difficult.
today was sad.
The guys are doing pretty well it seems, didnt really talk to the girls, they seem pretty broken up of course.
Sigh.
We were the only "English" there for the 2 hours we stayed. But it was ok. The guys found us out on the porch after we did the rounds and they stayed out there with us until we left, if not for the fact that the greivers took their greiving outside to chill out with us for im sure what was a MUCH needed break I would have felt very out of place. But you know what? as un-conventional as it is, they are my friends. Its so funny because EVERYone knew who we were, everyone knows our names even though havent met us. Then I started thinking and you know... people DO find it VERY strange when I tell them who I spent the weekend with and what we did etc. The religious sects if you will, really do stick together. So I guess if there is 2 English folks in a sea of bonnets and black hats, well you darn well know who they are.
But alas, my heart is broken for these people. It is so sad. enough said.
I just hope they can learn to have some sort of new normal after all is said and done. The dad is doing is well now and is close to home and the guys are all back SAFE and sound thank goodness for THAT.
so ends another day. And begins another night.... still feeling.... stuck....

Bring in the Dog and put out the Cat

I have been feverishly chugging my truck (now Christened the Beer mobile) around all south central ontario for the past 20 hours trying my DAMNdest to convince people I am ... good.
You see about a week ago our good friends (hell pretty much our only friends) parents were in the States and involved in a very bad car accident. The mother was killed right away and the father is still in and out of consiousness with enough injuries to choke a large horse. This leaves 15 kids orphanes if anything happens to the father. Now you say what the heck are they doing with 15 kids??? Well, they are Amish. Not that ALL amish have that many kids, but it is not unheard of. but let me tell you. No government supports these people other than their own church and I dont know another family who is as functional as this foot ball team sized one. At any rate. American hospitals.... family taking 2 weeks off work... funeral.... transportation etc etc etc... So i thought I should try to make them some money. As much as I could anyways.
How? Beer Bottles. Lots and Lots of them. So far I have managed to get my hands on 143 cases approx (some 12, some 24, some 28) . Huh, believe it or not though it hasnt been a lot of "wow you are doing such a great thing"
it has been there, but there has also been a lot of
"yeeees...... orhpanes.... empties..... ya, go away"
I guess i dont blame people though, our world is very untrusting... BECAUSE people are generaly sort of UNtrust-worthy. So no grudges held... but it makes me sad (what doesnt) that there are so few people out there trying to do good, that "good people" is kind of become an illusion. "brought to you by the good people at______" but you never SEE these good people. Are Good people kind of like the elusive "them" or "they"?
(The guy at the bottle return place put it best:
"thank you so much. No really, i cant even begin... THANK YOU, for being a good person. I was worried they were extinct.")
damn it, i am a good person and I know good people. So you know what? even IF someone WAS trying to scam you out of your 2.40 worth of empties... just give it to them, seriously, what do you loose if they are lieing? 2.40? I think having faith in human kind that they havent all gone to rat shit is worth a lot more than 2.40.
And thank you SO much to everyone who pitched in! $500 doesnt buy a new mother and will not by ANY means cover what I wish I could help with, but its a drop in the bucket ... or maybe 2 and at the very least it will let these people know that someone is thinking about them and really really, TRULY cares about them. and is trying.

to quote some band I once heard played in an old sterio in a pub
"You may say that Im a dreamer, but Im not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be as one"

i love the smell of waffles in the morning

So my new 'job' is gong quite well. In my own words I would call my new found employment "Apprentice mom"
comes wiith all the mothering duties of
diapers
3 meals a day
grocery herding
scraps and falls and bumps and bruises
bandage applying
bed times/nap times
bottles and sippy cups
blankys and 'babies'
trips to the library... and then back again... and again.
life gaurd of swimming pool
home work helper
the "i think we'll have to amputate it" line
and the "your face will freeze that way" line
Referee of scuffles
annoing baby talk voices when needed
cuddling sad 6 year olds and tired 2 year olds
and of course .... saying NO.

Its quite fantastic, my how the times of changed away from the days when I swore against ever having children because they are quote un quote Annoing. Maybe I was annoing so figured all kids were annoing. At anyrate, I take it back I take it all back. I have nannied for one family for a long time, off and on since the second one was born and I clicked with those kids... well maybe not Clicked, but slowly bonded.
With the new kids, I click. Really well. These kids are so much like myself, its almost too much to mention. The little girl (6) is ME when i was 6. She is the biggest ham you can meet. Constantly vieing for attention and needing you to listen to her sing the new song she just wrote or watch the new dance she just... danced. She, like me loves being video taped preforming plays she one man acts and sings in and then later watches them with sincere dissapointment that it doesnt look like the "real" movies on tv. But shes always ready to make a new one the next day.
These kids make it seem easy... I hope it really is as good as it seems.
When I was a kid I used to always say
sure ill have kids... but as soon as they turn 6... off they go until they are 21, then they can come back.
Funny logic system I had there. I am proud of myself, I can now handle the dreaded 6. i can handle in fact a combination of new born to 11.
next step... 15!!! thats a scary one.
So apprentice mom at your service, and one hell of a good one too might I add. The only difference between apprentice mothering and another apprentice job...
when im done my time at this place of work I dont get to keep the kids. But i can go on fully aware that If and when I create my own little seedlings I will be capable of a job well done (not that I wont screw up my kids SOMEhow... but who doesnt?)
so begins another day me and the 2 new ones under my care sitting around the table eating our waffles... with our left hands.